Joining the Ranks of CCW: Self-Reliance & Adulthood

CCW: Concealed Carry Firearm

So, when I got my permit to carry a handgun in the state of Indiana, I not only became elidgeable to transport a firearm but I also became legally able to carry one. At first I did not think that I would use this new legal right in any other way than to transport my Taurus to and from the range and shooting competitons. I did not consider myself as having an immediate need to carry and was not sure that I would feel comfortable "packing" a loaded firearm.

As time passed, I realized that there were times when I did feel at some small risk: late night ATM runs, being in my glass showroom/office at night, etc. And so I tested the waters with a small of the back holster and my Taurus. The results were ok and the weapon was unnoticed since I was careful in dress and body motion. I neither "printed" (let the pistol outline show through my clothes) or "flashed" (accidentally showed it to another person). But it was very uncomfortable and awkward, which is to be expected from a full sized pistol that was never intended for concealed carry.

So I did what any other gun owner would do: I bought another gun, a Kel-Tec P32 mousegun. While mouseguns are looked down on by many gun owners, the size of the pistol (tiny) and the weight (same as a wallet) made it a good choice. Since then it has become a regular carry piece when I go out at night for business or even when out on the rare date night with my wife.

In a quality holster the P32 is quite undetectable and is so light that it just feels like I am carrying two wallets. The only down side is that the firearm is weak (I will blog on this later). But I can carry this all day and not sacrifice clothes or comfort and that is what I need most right now.

I expect people would have many questions for me if anyone actually read this blog: How can you as a father own and carry deadly weapons when there are kids around? How could you as a liberal add more guns to a gun laden society? Aren't you no better than the criminals out there? Do you REALLY need a gun? Who are you to take the law into your own hand? Could you really shoot someone?

To make these questions more interesting, you need to know that I have taken a long journey to get to where I find myself driving around town armed with a .32 pistol in my back pocket. I have been a pacifist, I have been a militant, I have been a radical, and I have been a parent. But one thing that has always been core to me: I am a pragmatist.

What am I? I am a father, a husband, a citizen, and an adult. As a father & husband, I am responsible for myself, my wife and my children (just as my wife is responsible for herself, me, and our children). This means that I do not have the luxury of letting something happen to me. Even moreso, I cannot let something happen to my wife or kids. I was clear on that long before I bought my first firearm.

Do I really need a gun? Ask anyone who got stuck in the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina. While we want to believe that others will keep us safe (police, military, neighbors, etc.), the reality is that we are the only ones who can protect ourselves. That is true after a disaster, and it is true in the dark parking garage, and it is true in the home, and it is true in the gas station bathroom, and it is true..... And, frankly, the sad fact is that there are many people that I am no match for, not without a firearm. My 5'8" 250 pounds of blubber is no match for 6' 5" 300 pounds of muscle. Not to mention two attackers. I would be as outmatched as I was at 12 when I was mugged at knifepoint. If I am responsible to defend myself and my family, then a firearm is a necessity of last resort.

Does this make me like the criminals? Of course not, that is insipid. Does my breathing the same air make me the same? Does my wearing clothes make me the same? Does my driving a car make me the same? Or using money? Of course not. We are all overly evolved monkeys that use tools. A gun is simply another tool: nothing more, nothing less.

Aren't I making the world a worse place? The reality is that while passive resistance can make the world a better place, it cannot make every individual a better, law abiding, person. And in the moment of confrontation, when my family is at risk, I am not worried about changing the world. I am worried about me and mine. It is that simple. And as far as flooding the world with guns? That ship has sailed. Cancel the production of all new firearms and the country would still have plenty to go around.

And as far as being a liberal and being armed, I am finding that the numbers of both are increasing. Liberals believe in helping others, self-reliance, fairness, and the communal good. All of these are helped by my firearm ownership. As a responsible, careful, civic minded liberal, I am interested in being able to do something for the good if that time ever came rather than running away or cowering in fear. Additionally, since carrying a firearm puts me at legal risk if I do something stupid, I find that when I am armed, I am much more careful to obey the law fully. I do not speed, j-walk, or do other questionable things when I am carrying.

And as far as safety is concerned, my guns are very safe. And even more importantly, my kids are very safe around guns. Both are vital. Gun safes, trigger locks, ammo safes, unloaded storage all are vital points of gun safety, but none can protect your kids when they find a gun at someone else's house or on the street. At that time, only the kids with safety training and exposure can be expected to do what is right. My little ones are much better prepared than those of my friends who simply avoid firearms out of fear.

And you know what is most surprising in all of this? The number of people who were already in the ranks of the CCW. Legal, conscientious concealed carriers are already everywhere around us. From the guy at Kinko's to a mother from play group. From the super liberal off-the-grid ex-hippie, to the manager at the fast food joint. There are many more people who carry than I ever suspected. No-one needs to know, so they don't. And, sadly, no-one appreciates or realizes them.

These are people who take on the full self-responsibility of the adult-citizen, take on the fullest responsibility for others, take that responsibility seriously enough to not underestimate danger, and who spend a great deal of time, training, and effort to be ready if needed. And none ever expect to be thanked.

I am proud to join their number.